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It’s been an amazing week! I’m so happy that I was part of the Diabetes Blog Week.

Although I’ve been reading a lot of blogs, I’ve never imagined how many diabetes bloggers are out there.
It was so great to see how the daily topic inspired so many and brought such a bright palette of opinions and posts.

I just can’t express with words how happy am I about this community and the support and the inspiration. It’s just amazing how you are connected with people that you’ve never met in person but they know stuff about you that perhaps not even your friends know.

I’ve learned that writing on a daily basis helps me to be more organized about my daily schedule and to be more accurate about my diabetes.

Thank you!

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I’m so glad to write about what excites me about diabetes! Not that I’m thankful that I got it, but I try to find a way to stay on the bright side of life!

From the first moment I was diagnosed I started to read many books and tried to understand what was happening to me. And from that moment I began to realize how amazing and complex the human body is and that there is perhaps nothing more perfectly functioning . There are millions of processes which are going on and we could hardly imagine how it is possible. Every system is composed of other smaller systems. Organs are composed of tissues, tissues – of cells, cells – of organelles, organelles – of molecules, and so on. Although each system has its own function they all work together. It is really amazing how the human body is engineered. It takes care of every small movement, every mimic, every thought. There аrе no two humans who are exactly alike in external and internal anatomy. And I always think how amazing is all that! And I only have to deal with some stupid diabetes and not properly working pancreas and have complains about it???? How stupid am I and how great the human body is!!!

Isn’t it amazing how you could read what’s going on in your body through your blood sugar levels. If you have an infection, if you are ill, if you are stressed – then you’ll probably have unusual levels. And if there are unexplainable values – they are unexplainable for us, not for our bodies. Everything has its reason! But we don’t know it. Our body does.

I’ve experienced several times high blood sugar levels that at first made no sense to me at all. After that I realized there was an exact reason for all of them. Listen to your body, it tells you everything. In its own language.

I don’t know if there is something that my body tried to tell me with that diabetes. I’m still looking for the answer.

And after all living with diabetes isn’t all bad. You take more care of yourself, watch your food intake and exercise. You get to know many others related somehow to diabetes – mothers, father, friends. You realize who loves you because of who you are. You start to appreciate all the small things. You change your way of thinking. You start to help others with whatever you could do – information, supplies, your own experience. You learn so many new stuff. I’ve started cooking! I’ve started even blogging. 🙂

We’re much stronger than many other people. What doesn’t kill us – makes us stronger!

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Today is all about the things I hate about diabetes! After sometime carrying it around,  I’ve started getting  used to most of the inconveniences diabetes comes with. After all, without smiling at them and having a positive attitude I would be constantly sad, perhaps depressed and not able to take better care of it and myself. Although I’m trying not to think  about all that stuff it will never be gone and I could never erase it from my mind. Diabetes is just evil. Actually one old native name for diabetes is “pissing evil”.  Ha-ha-ha. There’s the list of  my top 10 things, which can really piss me off sometimes:

1. Hate lows! Hate lows! Hate lows! Every time I get one, I’m so scared how low will it get. I hate the feeling of being weak.

2. Having to stop what am doing to check my blood sugar levels..:(

3. Hate to see bad results when I’m doing everything right.

4. Hate to be dependent on anything at all, in this case insulin

5. Hate that it strikes at any age, taking no care what happens afterwards

6. Hate to think about all the complications that could happen

7. Hate to think about my blood sugar all the time

8. Hate that the skin on my  fingers is rough from all the testing

9.  Hate having to explain why I dont eat this and why I dont drink that

10.  Hate having  to see that pity look when you tell people you have diabetes

… I believe I could name some more things I really hate. But if I continue to think like that I’ll get in one of these moods when you are asking yourself: “Why me?”  “Am I so bad?” and so on …  In reality you have to be optimistic and to believe that only good things will happen to you and someday you will get rid of diabetes!

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It’s been a really long long day! I’ve had an excursion  from the University today. We  walked around Vienna the whole day long, almost without any pause or rest. It was really interesting in the beginning. We learned about public spaces and gardens and visited a lot of nice parks and some green yards. After several hours of being constantly introduce to new information, I was really getting overwhelmed. My head started to ache and my skin got so red because of the sunburn that I got. There is a white mark on my neck surrounded by a very red and painful area. Now I’m thinking: should I wear tomorrow the same necklace to cover the white spot or should I choose another one?

This really made me laugh. What a blooper, huh?! In some ironical way the topic today is to write about Diabetes bloopers. I’ve just had one. It has nothing to do with diabetes, but still a blooper, right??

This whole day I have been wondering what I could possibly write today. I’ve  simply had almost no mistakes or bloopers connected with diabetes, because I have always been very thorough about injecting and testing. Maybe because at the beginning I was pretty much afraid of needles and pricking myself at the finger.

But there is one story I could tell. It is not a funny one at all. But still…

So last year I’ve got a trainee program for six months. The people I worked with are very nice, open minded and warm. We’ve had a wonderful time together and I can be only proud that they still want me as a college and offered me a job during the holidays. But let’s focus on the story.

There’s a thing about me – I do not like to tell people about my diabetes. Only my family and my closest friends know about it. I just don’t like telling people maybe because I hate when somebody looks at me with that eyes that tell: “Oh, you poor girl!” And after that I have always to explain that I live pretty normal life; that could eat anything I like, only have to calculate the exact amount of insulin and inject it.

So, again to the story. I  never told my colleges about my diabetes. Sometimes I’ve asked myself if I should do it, but the moment was never right and so I just didn’t mentioned it. It was just my third month with the pump. I’ve managed to bolus each time when I washed my hands so nobody ever saw  me doing it.

Until this day  came along. It started at home as I was changing  the needle. It hurt a little bit when I placed it, but I didn’t pay any attention to it. When I was in the office I felt the vibration alert: No insulin delivery. So I changed the set, gave 0.3 units fixed prime, checked my blood sugar and made a correction. After some hours it was already lunch time. I checked my blood sugar and it was just fine. I bolused for the lunch and sat on the table with the others. Because normally I had a home prepared meal for lunch,  I knew exactly how much to inject. We’ve always had lunch together, and it has always been the funniest time of the day. I loved it, because everybody shared some stories and we had a wonderful time. As I was sitting down (my place was the most difficult to get out of) I felt the vibration alarm again. I knew it was the same error message again. No insulin delivery. So I thought that after lunch I would need to use my insulin pen and I just ignored the alarm and continued eating and laughing. There was a second vibration. I ignored it too. And then the pump started beeping. At the beginning very discreet, but after just a short while there was nobody in the room who hadn’t heard it. I was so embaressed. I said it was my phone beeping, I stood up from the table and went to the facility room, where I took my pen and injected myself with some insulin. Of course I changed the set again. This time it was succesful and everything after that was just fine.

I was so embaressed. I think none of my colleges realized it was not a phone, but my insulin pump. If I had told them right at the beginning it would have been so much easier for me.

So … that’s it. Now when I look back I can still  remember my cheeks blushing and my heart pounding. I wish this would never happen again.

Now I have to go and take care of my sunburn. Let’s see what blooper tomorrow will present me with.

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Dear  Pancreas,

I’ve always wanted to ask you:

– What happened 4 years ago?
– Was I bad with you?
– Didn’t  I treat  you right?
– Didn’t it feel nice to be in my body?

I’ve always tried to keep  my body healthy, so please be honest: Why?

Was it a surprise for my birthday? Was this my birthday gift?  I know it is not a joke – if it was one, it would have happened  on 1st of april perhaps  and in some extremely cynical way I could’ve understood it. But in summer? The best time of the year???

Do you know how bad I feel sometimes? Do you know how sad I am?

Thank God I’m surrounded by people who really love me and care about me. There is my wonderful family, who was always supportive and gave me strength not to give up.  There are also my friends. My true friends.  Even though they do not know how much it takes to try to be “normal”  again, they felt that it’s not important to know always what to say, but to be there for you without telling a word. I love you all, guys!!! And there is one very important person in my life who still loves me, supports me and wants to be with me. Every time when I look into his eyes I see only love and understanding, warm tenderness.  I know sometimes it’s not that easy to be with me – but thank you for standing all this  time with me!

So dear Pancreas,

Can you  please tell me why? What do I have to do to make you function normally again ?

If  only you could speak and explain… You know I’m trying to make things right. And I’ll never quit  trying. I’m just not this kind of person, I’m a fighter. A very open minded, friendly and smiling fighter!

Do you think there will be a happy ending? I  trully believe that soon I’ll have my answers on all those questions.

I have only one favour to ask  from you: Please, let us  work  together  for a better life! We have to play on the same team, we have to be on the same side! And togeher it would be  much easier.

I love you and I’ll always take care of you.

Sincerely yours

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So … although I’ve been blogging only for a month, I would like to join this wonderful event! The idea is that bloggers sign up to post about a set topic each day for a week.

Since I was diagnosed I started reading many books about diabetes , but  honestly  there was nothing more helpful  to me than the stories and posts from other diabetics or people somehow related to diabetes. I’ve found so many answers and so many different points of view. Because everyone tries to manage with his condition in his own way, each experience is unique . And that’s what makes it great. I’ve learned so many things! And  most importantly – when I read how people  were battling with the disease and trying to manage  with  their condition,  I felt their positive attitude and this gave me the encouragement and inspiration to  go on and keep trying even harder.

I cannot explain how important for me all those posts and shared information are. They’re helping me understand  a lot  about myself and my condition.

We are all different …  That’s what makes us unique! But there are  certain things, which we all want and desires which we share: We all want to be happy, healthy and surrounded by the people we love!

I’m thankful for every single post I’ve read. And I  deeply  admire everybody who had ever shared his story.

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